Carol Elizabeth-Ann 's posts with tag: humour
THESE ARE ENTRIES TO A WASHINGTON POST COMPETITION ASKING FOR A TWO-LINE RHYME WITH THE MOST ROMANTIC FIRST LINE, BUT THE LEAST ROMANTIC SECOND LINE: My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife: Marrying you screwed up my life. I see your face when I am dreaming That's why I always wake up screaming. Kind, intelligent, loving and hot; This describes everything you are not. Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss, But I only slept with you because I was pissed. I thought that I could love no other -- That is until I met your brother. Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you.
But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl's empty and so is your head. I want to feel your sweet embrace; But don't take that paper bag of your face. I love your smile, your face, and your eyes ...... Damn, I'm good at telling lies! My love, you take my breath away. What have you stepped in to smell this way My feelings for you no words can tell, Except for maybe "Go to hell." What inspired this amorous rhyme? Two parts vodka, one part lime...
MEN NEVER LISTEN!!!!!!!!
In a Chicago hospital, a gentleman had made several attempts to get into the men's restroom, but it had always been occupied.
A nurse noticed his predicament. " Sir", she said " You may use the ladies room if you promise not to touch any of the buttons on the wall."
He did what he needed to, and as he sat there he noticed the buttons he had promised not to touch. Each button was identified by letters: WW, WA , PP, and a red one labeled ATR. Who would know if he touched them?
He couldn't resist. He pushed WW. Warm water was sprayed gently upon his bottom. What a nice feeling, he thought. Men's restrooms don't have nice things like this.
Anticipating greater pleasure, he pushed the WA button. Warm air replaced the warm water, gently drying his underside. When this stopped, he pushed the PP button.
A large powder puff caressed his bottom adding a fragile scent of spring flower to this unbelievable pleasure. The ladies restroom was more than a restroom, it is tender loving pleasure.
When the powder puff completed its pleasure, he couldn't wait to push the ATR button which he knew would be supreme ecstasy. He was immediately knocked out by an excruciating pain.
Next thing he knew he opened his eyes, he was in a hospital bed, and a nurse was staring down at him.
"What happened?" he exclaimed. "The last thing I remember was pushing the ATR button." ATR is an Automatic Tampon Remover. Your testicles is are now in this jar, sir."
Just for humour peeps! 
I am amused and I am thinking of how it would be to act as your mum, wife, girlfriend and sister at the same time....heheMulti-tasking.wmv (2.3 MB)
French dog handler at Chateau Chevernay feeds a large, well disciplined group of hunting dogs.Import.flv (5.1 MB)
GOLLUM & SMEAGOL. THE FIRST SCHIZOPHRENIC DUET FEATURING BARRY WHITE,
THE GREEN VERSION
MASH-UP.
The Creator hopes not to offend any directors, producers, actors or studios associated with the following video. This is simply a fan film made to pay tribute to great movies. The video was edited strictly for pleasure and never for monetary gain. Import.flv (6.2 MB)
I saw this in my friend's blog, it's so funny I can't stop laughing. But it's for those who understand Bahasa only. Sorry. Import.flv (4.1 MB)
The boss had to fire somebody, and he narrowed it down to one of two
people, Debra or Jack. It was an impossible decision because they
were both super workers. Rather than flip a coin, he decided he would
fire the first one who used the water cooler the next morning.
Debra came in the next morning with a horrible hangover after
partying all night. She went to the cooler to take an aspirin. The boss
approached her and said: "Debra, I've never done this before but I
have to lay you or Jack off."
"Could you jack off?" she asked. "I feel like shit."
 | 我喜欢你!! | Jan 31, '07 12:08 AM
for everyone |
跟我妈说了，我喜欢你，我要让你去我家，日日夜夜陪伴我，知道吗？通过这些日子的交往，我发现我已经不能没有你，.........
可我妈不肯，她说：家里不准养猪!!
|  | Just a few animals that I came across in Koh Samui and Koh Nangyuan. The funny looking dog kept barking at the boat so I took a shoot at him....
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Very hillarious...LOL shaolin_soccer_missing_part.wmv (6.1 MB)
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Hello people, here are some funny dirty jokes to refresh & tantalise your imagination.
Have a good weekend!
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 | Boooo!!! | Aug 27, '06 8:20 AM
for everyone |
Here's a string of clips for people who are getting unexpected surprises at unexpected places... Boo!.wmv (2.7 MB)
Short clips of cats getting frightened ...;-) Crazy_Cats_1.wmv (2.9 MB)
A BOSS WALKED INTO THE OFFICE ONE MORNING NOT KNOWING THAT HIS ZIPPER WAS DOWN AND HIS FLY AREA IS WIDE OPEN.
HIS SECRETARY WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID "BOSS THIS MORNING WHEN YOU LEFT YOUR HOUSE, DID YOU CLOSE YOUR GARAGE DOOR?"
THIS WAS NOT A PHRASE THAT HER BOSS UNDERSTOOD, SO HE WENT INTO HIS OFFICE LOOKING A BIT PUZZLED. WHEN HE WAS ABOUT DONE WITH HIS PAPERWORK HE SUDDENLY NOTICED THAT HIS ZIPPER WAS NOT ZIPPED UP.
HE ZIPPED UP AND REMEMBERING WHAT HIS SECRETARY HAD TOLD HIM, FINALLY UNDERSTOOD. THEN HE INTENTIONALLY WENT OUT TO ASK FOR A CUP OF COFFEE FROM HIS SECRETARY.
WHEN HE REACHED HER DESK, HE SAID "WHEN YOU SAW THE GARAGE DOOR OPEN DID YOU SEE MY JAGUAR PARKED IN THERE?"
THE SECRETARY SMILED FOR A MOMENT AND SAID "NO BOSS I DIDN'T, ALL I SAW WAS A MINI COOPER WITH 2 FLAT TIRES"
| Two Nuns | Aug 16, '06 5:41 AM
for everyone |
There were two nuns.......
One of them was known as Sister Mathematical (SM), and the other one was known as Sister Logical (SL).
It is getting dark and they are still far away from the convent.
SM:Have you noticed that a man has been following us for the past thirty-eight and a half minutes? I wonder what he wants.
SL:It's logical. He wants to rape us.
SM: Oh, no! At this rate he will reach us in 15 minutes at the most! What can we do?
SL:The only logical thing to do of course is to walk faster.
SM:It's not working.
SL:Of course it's not working. The man did the only logical thing. He started to walk faster, too.
SM: So, what shall we do? At this rate he will reach us in one minute.
SL:The only logical thing we can do is split. You go that way and I'll go this way. He cannot follow us both.
So the man decided to follow Sister Logical.
Sister Mathematical arrives at the convent and is worried about what has happened to Sister Logical.
Then Sister Logical arrives.
SM:Sister Logical! Thank God you are here! Tell me what happened!
SL: The only logical thing happened. The man couldn't follow us both,so he followed me
SM: Yes, yes! But what happened then?
SL: The only logical thing happened. I started to run as fast as I could and he started to run as fast as he could.
SM: And?
SL: The only logical thing happened. He reached me
SM: Oh, dear! What did you do?
SL: The only logical thing to do. I lifted my dress up.
SM: Oh, Sister! What did the man do?
SL: The only logical thing to do. He pulled down his pants.
SM:Oh, no! What happened then?
SL: Isn't it logical, Sister? A nun with her dress up can run faster than man with his pants down.
And for those of you who thought it would be dirty, say two Hail Marys!
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