Puas aku cuba menyelami makna sebenar 'CINTA'. Bukan kerana aku tidak pasti akan maksudnya, tapi ada kalanya, ia memang membingungkan.

Bila kala CINTA datang dan mengaburi segala prasangka, ia juga pergi meninggalkan seribu tanda tanya.... dan hati yang luka tak terkata...

Adakah ini semua kerana 'CINTA'? Ataupun kita, insan di dunia yang menyebabkan segalanya kerana nafsu, ketamakkan, ketidak setiaan, ketidakpuasan... Semuanya menghancurkan kesucian erti 'CINTA'.

I was leaving Mediacorp TV premises at about 8.45pm last night when my friend texted me. He said he is in his lowest period in life, feeling very down and sad because the girl he loves has asked him not to expect anything out of their relationship and that she may have to leave him one day.

He said he never really understand what she is trying to say, but he guessed that she was hinting to him that "It won't work out".

My friend is 31 years old. Working in a bank and recently just got promoted. He said he doesn't feel anything for the recent promotion as life is meaningless. He felt very disappointed and he blames himself for all the failures in his relationships, his marriage.

He was married to a girl from Malaysia. They did not live together like any other husband and wife because his ex-wife is working in Malaysia while he is in Singapore. After 2 years, they got divorced. Anyone of you here who is reading this right now would have expected this would happen right? How can a married couple live apart??? But he said, this is the ex-wife's request.

Anyway, he said after the failed marriage, he though he will never love again until he met this girl during a workshop seminar. At first sight, the girl caught his eyes.. and he fell deeply for her.

But things aren't easy. This young girl came from a very strict and conservative family upbringing. She has to hide her relationship with him from her parents.

When I tried to make him feel better by telling him all the positive and encouraging words like;

"Don't worry, just hang in there, you'll be fine"

"Look at the bright side of life"

"You will find the right one..."

"Don't think too negatively...."

He just shoot me back with all negative words. He blamed himself, he said he is a loser...

I felt hurt, not because of all the negative thoughts he is having now (I can't blame him on that because we all feel negative when thing doesn't go the way we wanted don't we??..) but because I have been through all these before and I know how demotivating it is.

He's like reminding me of where I came from. But I pulled it through, from suicidal to a stronger person. I believe life has more than just this..  I refuse to let the dark cloud above me cover and sealed me from the warmth of the sun.

I refuse to give up. I refuse to let anything drag me down. NO!!

Anyone may hurt me, I know this is something beyond my control... but I am in-charge of my own destiny, who I want to be, and where I want to be. And I know this has to start from my mentality, the way I look and perceive things in life.

I'm not born with golden spoon, I was born without a spoon... I have to find ways to get food into my mouth.

For christ sake, just look around you when you are feeling down! You are not in the middle of a war stricken land, were dead bodies are surrounding you, the only thing you can smell is the smell of blood and decomposed corpses!

Be grateful people!! Jesus.....!!

[...and I tried to put up some pictures of war casualties. I want something not so 'extreme' but unfortunately all my search came out with pictures that are way too horrible to describe, images of children with crashed legs carried by their fathers, images of people with crushed head, all so bloody and fleshy (OH..you can still recognise the eye balls amongst the brains and tongue), pictures of heads (yeah..I mean head without torso), pictures of dead bodies rolled over by tankers, sprawled all over the street, railway, pictures of family members slaughtered and murdered in their own home, pictures of gun wounds, ......... never ending.... just never ending horror.....]